Ode to Dieting

It’s that time of year
That I always most fear,
When I notice the size of my bulge.
I know there’s a need 
To acknowledge my greed,
And admit that I’ve overindulged.

Replacing wine with more gin
Has not made me thin,
Adding veg to roast butter’s not worked.
Half fat options are ok,
But to me they just say,
You can double your intake of yogurt.

It’s only a fraction,
But it’s time to take action,
When that fraction is more than three quarters .
And you wave to the neighbour,
And catch yourself later,
Thinking, I could just eat your daughters.

So I’m changing my ways,
Four meals and don’t graze,
Pile my food on a much smaller plate.
To which I've reluctantly added,
On top of my salad,
The Maltesers with the best before date.